No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
