just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
