I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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