He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
