One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize