Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
