"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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