Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
