What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Success! We fucked roommates!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
