What did we do last night that was yellow?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am available for nakedness
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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