im holly from the hills drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's get the cat blown out
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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