Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
