I am puke
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
