so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
