You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
