The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
