I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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