The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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