I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
