The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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