so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My bed smells like the plague
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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