I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
