the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
