it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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