I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
