I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
