actually, I'm a sock model
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
