I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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