Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
