Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
