i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
