Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I party with great urgency now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
