chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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