1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
