Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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