people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
