you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
