Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
