I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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