saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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