I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
