I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
