someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
