His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.