I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...