WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.