Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We need a shit load of segways right now