I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.