i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.