Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I faked an abortion last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
