Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
