i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
