Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
