Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
