I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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