when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
