Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
