I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
