i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
