There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
