So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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