he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
