That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
