I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
