What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
