so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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